1,400 contacts to our Helpline last year were about coercive and controlling behaviour towards children

Please reach out to our Helpline with any concerns you may have about children over the summer.

In the last year, our Helpline received almost 1,400 contacts about children experiencing coercive and controlling behaviour as part of domestic abuse.

Our Childline service gave over 1,000 counselling sessions to children and young people experiencing domestic abuse, with 221 mentioning coercive and controlling behaviour

It's important to be aware of domestic abuse and how it can affect children, especially during the summer holidays. This is because children might experience or witness more domestic abuse outside of term time. 


Worried about a child?

If you're worried about a child who might be experiencing or witnessing domestic abuse, whether it's physical violence or coercive behaviour, please contact our Helpline on 0808 800 5000 or help@nspcc.org.uk  

Contact the Helpline

New data on domestic abuse contacts

Our new analysis, supported by the COVID-19 support fund, shows that we received an average of 131 concerns from adults and children each month, relating to domestic abuse. 

In the last year: 

  • Our Helpline received over 4,000 contacts from adults concerned about children experiencing domestic abuse
  • Almost 1,400 of these contacts to the Helpline, were specifically concerned about coercive and controlling behaviour
  • Our Childline service gave over 1,000 counselling sessions to children and young people experiencing domestic abuse. 
  • 221 of these Childline counselling sessions were specifically focused on experiencing coercive and controlling behaviour.

Domestic abuse

Domestic abuse is any type of abusive behaviour towards someone you are, or were, in a relationship with. It doesn't have to be physical abuse, and it can have a serious, long-term impact on children. A child experiencing or witnessing domestic abuse, is child abuse. Children who experience or witness domestic abuse and coercive control can feel isolated and frightened, and may have poor mental health as a result. 

Domestic abuse can include: 

  • assault
  • controlling behaviour
  • humiliation
  • intimidation
  • isolation
  • threats and coercion
  • and any other abuse that's used to harm, punish or frighten a partner or ex-partner 

It's important to be aware that domestic abuse doesn't have to be physical. Other types of domestic abuse, such as coercive control, are just as harmful, but tend to be overlooked or minimised.

Worried about a child?

If you're worried about a child who might be experiencing or witnessing domestic abuse, whether it's physical violence or coercive behaviour, please contact our Helpline on 0808 800 5000 or help@nspcc.org.uk  

Contact the Helpline

Children have been reaching out to Childline after experiencing domestic abuse and coercive control in their family. A 17-year-old girl who contacted Childline said: 

“I believe my dad matches all the criteria for narcissistic behaviour and coercive control towards my mum. My dad has been controlling my mum her whole life. I don’t want my little brother and sister to grow up with what it was like for me.

"My dad used to be physically abusive, but this has stopped. Now he calls us names, gaslights us, controls the finances and locks up parts of the house, like the kitchen, so that we aren’t allowed in. The police have been called but they ask us questions in front of my dad so no-one can say the real truth.

"I feel hopeless. Only we know the way he really is. I feel like we are my dad’s property once everyone else has gone away.’’

Are you a child worried about domestic abuse?

If you're a child who is worried about experiencing or witnessing domestic abuse, whether it's physical violence or coercive behaviour, please contact Childline by phone on 0808 800 5000, by email, or chat 1-2-1 online with one of our counsellors. We also have lots of information and advice on domestic abuse on the Childline website. 

Contact Childline

Our demands for the government

The impact of domestic abuse on children was officially recognised in the Domestic Abuse Act last year. Since then, we have been campaigning for better support for families. 

The government must make high-quality, specialist support available to children who have experienced domestic abuse. 

The government must provide: 

  • Theraputic support services
  • Independent Domestic Violence and Abuse Advisors (IDVAs)
  • Helplines
  • Counselling services

We run the Domestic Abuse Recovering Together (DART) programme. Our trained specialists support people who have experienced domestic abuse, and their children. DART helps people recover from domestic abuse, and understand how this kind of abuse might affect their children.

Margaret*, said her referral to DART helped her and her children to rebuild their lives after experiencing abuse for several years. She said: 

“I had always known that part of my husband was controlling, but after we got married, he seemed to change. He became emotionally and psychologically abusive, threatening me and belittling me all the time… He didn’t like me wearing certain clothes or seeing my friends and he always said that he knew the best for me. Eight years into our marriage he started being physically abusive and the domestic violence started.

“I was worried about what our children had seen and how it might affect them. Both children were sullen and weren’t very good at articulating their feelings. They were very obedient and didn’t really behave like children at all. They played quietly and were very subdued.

“Both children took part in the NSPCC’s domestic abuse programme at our local centre. The activities the centre did with them gave them ample opportunity to speak about their feelings and come to terms with the domestic abuse that they’d witnessed and experienced.”

Worried about a child?

If you're worried about a child who might be experiencing or witnessing domestic abuse, whether it's physical violence or coercive behaviour, please contact our Helpline on 0808 800 5000 or help@nspcc.org.uk  

Contact the Helpline

Are you a child worried about domestic abuse?

If you're a child who is worried about experiencing or witnessing domestic abuse, whether it's physical violence or coercive behaviour, please contact Childline by phone on 0808 800 5000, by email, or chat 1-2-1 online with one of our counsellors. We also have lots of information and advice on domestic abuse on the Childline website. 

Contact Childline

Paddi Vint, Development and Quality Manager for the Domestic Abuse Practice Advisor Team at the NSPCC Helpline, said:

“It is worrying to know children are having to deal with coercive control, especially over the summer when they are away from teachers and other adults who often spot concerns and who they can turn to for support.

“It is vital that everyone is aware of what coercive control can look like. This will mean that more of us can spot the signs that children and young people may be experiencing it and reach out with any concerns.

“We will continue to press the government to improve the support available for child victims of abuse including by increasing the supply of high quality, specialist therapeutic and mental health support within local communities across the country.”

Notes:

This data collection work has been supported by the Covid-19 support fund. The insights on the impact of coercive control on children and young people report has been published today. The briefing provides insight into the impact of domestic abuse on children and young people where parents or carers use or experience coercive and controlling behaviours within their own relationships.

Read the full insight briefing on NSPCC Learning.

• From 1st April 2022 to 31st March 2023 the NSPCC Helpline responded to 4,412 contacts from adults whose main concern was domestic abuse. 1,359 contacts specifically mentioned coercive and controlling behaviour.

• From 1 April 2022 to 31 March 2023 Childline delivered 1,096 counselling sessions with children and young people whose main concern was domestic abuse. In 221 counselling sessions children specifically mentioned concerns about coercive and controlling behaviour.

• Total number of total NSPCC Helpline and Childline contacts about coercive control was 1,580 which averages at 131 each month.


*Snapshots are based on real NSPCC contacts but are not necessarily direct quotes. All names and potentially identifying details have been changed to protect the identity of the child and/or adult involved.