When parents talk about children and technology, the word ‘addiction’ sometimes comes up.
That might be because they’re concerned about the amount of time their children are using tech such as phones and games. Or they might think there’s a link between their children’s device use and their mental health.
Most struggles with technology aren’t about clinical addiction, though. They’re about habits, tech design and compulsive behaviours. This combination makes it hard for children and adults alike to put down our devices.
Understanding compulsion helps families respond with empathy and practical solutions to help change their children’s behaviours.
When we treat our tech habits as something we can all improve on, conversations become more supportive and less judgmental. Rather than focusing on a child’s ‘smartphone addiction’, families can work together so that everyone builds healthier relationships to tech.
What does compulsion look like?
If a child or young person is struggling with compulsive behaviour around technology, it can show in different ways. This might include:
- frequently arguing with you about device use and screen time
- withdrawing from friends or family to spend more time online
- difficulties at school – such as grades worsening or missing homework
- moods changing often or quickly, where there seems to be a link to device use
- using devices at times or in places that you’ve agreed they won’t – such as in their bedroom, late at night
- getting symptoms such as headaches, eye strain and fatigue, when other causes have been ruled out.
Why avoiding technology can be hard
Technology is intentionally designed to keep us engaged, using features like:
- notifications – which can signal urgency by making sounds, flashing onto screens or using the colour red for icons
- infinite scrolling – meaning there’s always more content waiting for users
- autoplay – videos that start without you having to click or tap
- pull-to-refresh – a simple swipe can bring up new content
suggested content – apps that line up the next video or other content for you - rewards – including apps that offer daily bonuses for logging on.
These features tap into our curiosity and the reward systems in our brains, making it harder for us to stop using our devices, whatever our age.
Every time we get a notification or see a new post, our brain releases a small amount of dopamine – the chemical linked to pleasure and reward. This creates a cycle where we keep coming back for more.
Screen time and screen use
The first thing you might think about when it comes to your child’s technology use is how much time they spend looking at screens.
That’s understandable – it’s a simple, quantifiable way to understand how much time they’re spending online. But what children do online matters just as much as how long they do it for.
Educational apps and creative tools can really help support children’s learning and imagination. And if children enjoy video calls with family, it can strengthen those relationships.
On the other hand, if children spend a long time scrolling or gaming, particularly late at night, it can disrupt their sleep and wellbeing. And if they see harmful content at any point, that can cause anxiety and distress.
Screen time and age
For older children, here’s no magic number for a ‘safe’ amount of screen time and not every online experience and interaction is the same.
That means monitoring screen time alone isn’t a reliable way to make sure children are safe online. Even if a child spends a very short time online, they can be harmed if they see content that isn’t suitable for them, or if they’re bullied.
There’s clearer guidance for younger children – you can read more and get some practical advice on our under-fives page.
Balance and purpose
Children often tell us there’s a real difference between online experiences they find beneficial and those which worry them. So rather than time online, think about balance and purpose.
Is the activity your child is interested in positive, creative or social? Or is it passive or stressful? It can also help to encourage children to reflect on how they feel after using technology. Are they feeling relaxed and happy, or tired and irritable? Share how tech affects you, too.
Having regular conversations about the impact of your time online can help you both learn more about your behaviour and make better choices.
Setting healthy boundaries as a family
Boundaries work best when they’re consistent and they apply to the whole family. Why not sit down together and agree to some boundaries? You could write down what you’ve decided in a family tech agreement and display it somewhere you’ll all see it regularly.
Small changes can make a big difference. Turning off notifications, using wellbeing tools, or setting time limits on apps can help everyone feel more in control. Some families create a ‘charging station’ where devices stay overnight, so bedrooms remain screen-free.
Tech-free times
You could try agreeing to times when you’ll all step away from tech. These could be during meals, at bedtime, and when you’re doing family activities.
Modelling good habits can help, too. If you put your phone away during family time, children are more likely to follow. And if you’re distracted by your phone at dinnertime, your children will notice.
Remember: it’s important that you work together on family boundaries rather than imposing rules that only apply to your children.
Questions and answers about tech use
1. How should I talk to my children about how they use tech?
Talk to children about healthy habits and balance, not addiction or punishment. Focus on curiosity, support and problem-solving, so the conversation stays positive and helps them make safer choices online.
2. How can I help my children be more aware of how apps are designed?
You could talk to them about how and why apps use features like infinite scroll or autoplay. This can help you all be more aware and allow you to take practical steps like turning off autoplay and reducing notifications.
3. What can I do if peer pressure seems to be increasing tech time?
Encourage your children to make choices that feel right for them, instead of just copying what their friends do. You could try role-playing scenarios where they say ‘no’, to help build their confidence.
4. How can I make sure their screen time is worthwhile?
Creative apps and learning tools are usually better choices than endless scrolling. Encourage your children to access a variety of apps and platforms to learn, create and connect.
5. What’s the most important time of day for children to be off devices?
Help your children to avoid screens an hour before bed. Getting a good night’s sleep will help support their mental wellbeing and learning.
6. How can I encourage my child to balance screen time with offline activities they enjoy?
If your child likes reading, sports, playing an instrument, or any other offline hobby, you could gently encourage them to balance those with time spent online, as you would yourself.
When to seek help
If your child’s tech use is causing distress, disrupting their sleep, affecting their schoolwork, or harming their relationships, remember that support is available.
You could start by talking with your child’s school, where teachers or pastoral staff can offer insight and support. You can also speak to your GP, who’ll be able to refer you to specialist services if they’re needed.
- If you’re worried about a child’s safety online, or would like further advice about online safety, then contact the NSPCC Helpline on 0808 800 5000 or email help@nspcc.org.uk.
- Children and young people can get support by calling 0800 1111 or visiting the Childline website for more contact options.
