How to bond with your baby

Bonding with your baby after they're born

Every pregnancy is unique, meaning your journey to bond with your baby will be different every time.

For some, a connection is instant. For others, it might take a little while. It’s OK if the bond grows over time. Parenting is a lifelong journey and you might need some time to adapt to the changes it brings.

Sometimes, parents experience negative thoughts and feelings about their baby. If this happens, speak to your midwife, health visitor or GP to get some extra support. 

Ways to build an emotional connection with your baby

Some of these ideas may help you.

1. Sensitivity
   Look out for your baby’s cues and communications about what they need and want. Smile at them when they smile at you. Make noises back when they gurgle at you.
   
   
2. Responsiveness
   Give your baby what they need or help them meet their own needs. This could be changing their nappy or supporting them to go to sleep. 
   
   
3. Warmth
   Respond kindly and helpfully when they communicate with you. It might feel silly, but explaining things to them, even when they're little, can help. For example "You're hungry, so I'm going to get you something to eat."

Building a good relationship with your baby is one of the most important things you can do for them. They understand the world based on how you interact with them. If your interactions are positive, it’ll support a positive view of the world long into adulthood.

There are a few things you can try to make your bond stronger:

• Have lots of skin-to-skin contact – touch and smell are two of the most important senses in the bonding process.
• Have lots of face-to-face time – you can look at one another and read each other's facial expressions. This could also help you to understand your baby's mood.
• Smile, talk, sing, cuddle and play with your baby as much as possible. We have practical advice on things you can do.
• Learn some baby massage techniques – this could also come in handy when you're trying to calm a crying baby.

Continuing to bond with your child as they grow

Here are some ways to carry on building emotional attachment as your child grows:

Eye contact

Children love to gaze at you, so look at your child affectionately.

Facial expression

When talking to your baby, make sure your expression is calm and attentive so they feel secure.

Tone of voice

Even if your child is too young to understand the words you use, they can understand the difference between a harsh or distracted tone and one that is tender, interested or concerned.

Touch

You can show love and affection in how you wash, lift, or carry your baby. And by how you give your older child a warm hug, a gentle touch on the arm, or a reassuring gentle pat on the back.

Body language

Relaxed and calm body language will help your child feel safe. Sudden, aggressive movements can frighten a child. If you relax and sit comfortably, your child will feel more able to approach and interact with you.